I'm Already Here

I'm already here.

 

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby 

I'm past that.
I'm living the life I'm being forced to live. Daydreaming of what I want it to be.
Daydreaming because its only us left to consider now.

I am learning peacefulness, lying by myself quietly.

I am free but tied down to the decisions that I have already made.

I'm learning to live a selfish life.

A life where everything is beginning to revolve and cater around me.

As the bright sunlight hits these walls, this bed, these hands;
I am forced to face my thoughts that I avoided for so long.

I didn’t want any flowers, I only wanted something beautiful.

To lie with my hands turned up and be completely empty.

How free it is, you have no idea how free-

The peacefulness is so big it overwhelms you. 

 

But I know its not me to stay in this place.

So I force myself to face the inevitable.

 

I've reverted back to what used to make me, me. 

More so than it ever was.

I am self reliant, I am independent, I am brave.

 

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar